


On the End of a String

by Celestia_ships_reylo



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ajan Kloss, Angst, Armitage Hux Hates Kylo Ren, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Loneliness, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Planet Corellia (Star Wars), Planet Coruscant (Star Wars), Planet Kijimi (Star Wars), Planet Ryloth | Twi'lek, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, References to Star Wars: Resistance Reborn, Regret, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics) Compliant, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren Spoilers, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28985382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestia_ships_reylo/pseuds/Celestia_ships_reylo
Summary: A week after the Battle of Crait, both Rey and Ben are being torn apart by regret. But when the Force continues to connect them and they find themselves comforting each other, they have no choice but to reconsider their actions...and their loyalties. Despite the consequences of being on opposite sides of a war, they decide to give each other a second chance.But what happens when the consequences catch up to them both?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 19
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of the Falcon’s engines droned on around her, carrying her and the rest of the Resistance to...somewhere. Well, they had nowhere to go yet. They had called for help at the Battle of Crait, but no one had come. And no one could harbor the remaining rebels without becoming a target of the First Order.

These thoughts rolled around in Rey’s head as she lay on her side, one hand under her face, pretending to sleep. She could still hear the few mechanics they had working on the Millenium Falcon, trying to get rid of a tiny leak in the hyperdrive. They were lucky Rey had already disabled the compressor, or they would have never made it this far. A porg somewhere in the Falcon chirped. She hoped they could get rid of those birds soon. They were irritating.

Her mind wandered back to the reason she was unable to sleep. She couldn’t stop replaying the events of a week ago in her head. She couldn’t stop thinking of him. Of Ben. There was something different between them...something she had never felt with anyone else. Something in the way he looked at her...

She heard his words in her head for the millionth time since she had heard them in that throne room. _“Join me. Please.”_ Rey turned into her pillow, trying to hide her tears from anyone who was watching. Which was no one. Almost everyone was asleep at the moment. Maybe she was trying to hide those tears from...herself. _Why couldn’t I just take his hand?_ she thought. _Why couldn’t I just say yes?_ And now, she had closed off their connection in the Force. That’s what she wanted...wasn’t it?

She muffled her sobs with her pillow, desperate to sleep.

* * *

Ben lay on his bed in his quarters, staring at the ceiling. It was not uncommon for him to have a hard time sleeping. Some nights he didn’t sleep at all. But ever since the day he had become Supreme Leader, he had not been able to force himself to sleep. Yesterday he had finally collapsed for a few hours because his body just couldn’t take it anymore. But tonight, he already knew, would be sleepless.

He just...couldn’t stop. Any moment of quiet drew his thoughts back to Rey. She could’ve killed him that day, he knew. And yet, she had chosen to spare his life. Did she...care for him? He had hoped so. But then, she had shut him out. Closed their connection. _Maybe it was all in my head,_ Ben thought. No...he had seen it...in the hut on Ahch-to, in the turbolift to Snoke’s throne room, in the way she had almost— _almost_ —taken his hand and joined him.

It still hurt. It had felt almost like a betrayal, when she had tried to wrench the lightsaber out of his grasp with the Force rather than taking his hand. He knew it was no such thing, but it hurt him nonetheless. And he had felt it. She had wanted to take his hand _so_ badly. But then she had left him again.

Ben remembered what she had said to him. _“The fleet! There’s still time to save the fleet!”_ She had asked him, almost begged him, to order them to stop firing. She had known that, with Snoke dead, he was in charge. _I could’ve done it,_ Ben thought. Maybe then, things would’ve gone...differently. _Why couldn’t I just say yes?_ he thought. As he lay in bed, Ben closed his eyes tightly, willing himself to hold back the tears that had been threatening to pour out since that day. He couldn’t help himself. He missed her.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been two weeks now since Crait, and Rey felt drained. Not because of the work she was doing around the Falcon, helping Finn and his new friend Rose fix the mess that Unkar Plutt had made on that ship. No, it wasn’t that. It was a combination of her sleepless, tearful nights and her recent conversation with Leia. She had asked her about Ben, but she had not really gotten the answers she had hoped for. Rey herself didn’t even know what she had been hoping for...but if Leia did not understand Ben’s turn to the dark, how would Rey? Somehow, though, she felt that she understood him better than anyone else.

Rey sat down on her cot and looked down at her hands. She held the two halves of Skywalker’s lightsaber. That was exactly how she felt. Broken. Separated from the half of her that she desperately needed, but could not have. She almost hated needing it...needing him. But she wanted it too. She was so confused. She was supposed to be his enemy, and yet she found herself missing him? Wanting...him? _What is wrong with me?_ she asked herself. But it was a feeling so deep and true that she couldn’t get rid of it. And, somehow, subconsciously, she didn’t want to get rid of it.

Ben stood in his throne room, looking out the wide viewport in front of him. He felt restless. It had been two weeks now, and the entire First Order was under his command. But he felt as if something was missing. As if half of him had been torn away when Rey left him. Would he never see her again? Or worse, would she find him out on a battlefield somewhere and fight him? Because he knew, deep inside, that he could not kill her now. He had never wanted to. But now, no matter how long he held up his defenses, he knew that if she wanted to, she could finish him off. Not because she was stronger...they were at least equally matched. But because his compassion for her would hold him back. Snoke had thought this was a weakness. That remained to be seen.

Rey put the halves of the saber away. Suddenly, she felt it. That...that familiar presence. It was _him_. Against her will, she breathed a sigh of relief. She had wanted to see him. She was... _glad_ to see him. But she wasn’t supposed to be, was she? She blinked and he was there. Ben turned around to face her. Their hearts sped up. They could each hear the other breathing.

“I—I thought I had closed this...our connection,” she said, her eyes refusing to meet his. To even look up at him.

“Yeah, me too,” he said, looking down at the floor.

“What do you want with me?” Rey asked, trying to sound distant or irritated. She just sounded strangely...vulnerable. At least to her own ears she did.

“Rey, I didn’t make this happen,” he said. He had wanted to, though.... “I don’t control this. Neither do you, apparently.”

Rey looked up at him, her face defiant. “Why did you do that? At Crait?”

 _She’s doing this again,_ Ben thought to himself. _She’s trying to hide her feelings for me behind my own guilt._ Unless, of course, there were no feelings at all.... “This is a war, Rey. What—what did you think was going to happen? After you left me?” His voice sounded somewhat...injured.

Rey felt that pain rising up in her heart again. It wasn’t anger, though. Just...a sadness. “This—this isn’t how it was supposed to be. You...were supposed to turn. To come with me....”

Ben’s voice was firm. “No, I know what I saw. You...were supposed to join me.”

Ben sighed and looked down at his own boots. “But there was no point in making you stay.” His voice was bitter and full of a deep sadness. “You—you never wanted...to stay with me...”

Rey’s eyes filled with tears. But then Ben looked up at her, a slight hopeful turn in his voice. “...did you?” A small shudder went through her body. He had sensed it, hadn’t he.... How she had earnestly yearned to take his hand that day. How she really had wanted to stay with him...but the circumstances just...hadn’t been right. She looked up into his eyes. She felt confused and lost. She was afraid to answer yes, but...she just couldn’t deny it.

“I—I don’t know,” Rey said, looking down at her hands, clamped together nervously on her lap.

Ben nodded slowly, as if he understood. Rey blinked once, and he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! Thank you SO much for your encouraging comments so far!! 
> 
> Just fyi, if you haven’t read Resistance Reborn, you might not be familiar with the events on Ryloth referenced in this chapter. Don’t worry if you haven’t! Basically the only thing you need to know here is that the Resistance temporarily has its headquarters on Ryloth before moving to Ajan Kloss. When Rey thinks about the “incident on Ryloth,” she is remembering the events of Resistance Reborn, which occurred between chapter 2 and this chapter. Enjoy!! :)

She hadn’t had another Force connection with Ben for a while. The whole incident on Ryloth had passed and she still had not seen him again. Rey held out hope that she might be able to talk to him again soon. She almost felt guilty for missing him. But...not quite. Today she was searching for some tools that the mechanics needed. One thing was for sure, Han had _not_ been organized. She, Finn, and Rose had been searching for at least a standard hour, but the tool simply refused to turn up.

Rey had already been on a couple of missions with Finn and Poe on the Falcon, and it hadn’t failed them yet. But this ship was constantly in need of some love. And, while Rey could have helped them fix it, she hadn’t been feeling that well lately. So she let the Resistance mechanics handle it while she took on simple tasks like fetching their tools. The truth was, Rey still felt like a stranger to most of them. To the whole Resistance, in fact. Leia had welcomed her warmly. But others still didn’t know what to make of her.

“Hey, Finn? Did you check that one?” Rey asked, pointing to the box of junk behind her. “I haven’t gotten to it yet, maybe you should take a look.”

“All right,” he said, and began to rummage through it.

Then, she felt it...a connection coming on again. She didn’t want to reveal this to Finn and Rose, though. Rey held her head, attempting to feign a sudden headache.

“You okay?” Rose asked, looking up, concerned.

“Yeah...yeah, I just...need some air.” Rey said, rushing out of the Falcon before Ben appeared.

Ben had been pacing his own chambers when he felt it. Her bright presence was...soothing, in a way. But he was also apprehensive. Would she try to close their bond again? It had not worked before, but it might this time. She grew stronger each day. But, when he blinked and saw her standing in front of him, he knew. She didn’t want to cut off their connection. She had that look in her eyes again. Ben swallowed nervously.

“I, uh, I guess we’re doing this again,” he said, tilting his head to one side.

“I suppose we are,” Rey replied. She was trying to keep the emotion out of her voice, but it was not working.

Ben looked at her questioningly and said, “Is—is there something you need to tell me, Rey?”

Just hearing her own name on his lips made her feel strange. Rey went on the defensive. “You’re doing it again. Trying to get information out of me.”

“No, I’m not going there. Not again.” Ben remembered the time he had tried to get the map to Skywalker from her head. “And you will remember that you took something from me that day, as well.”

Rey sighed. “There _is_ something I, uh, wanted to tell you,” she admitted after a moment.

Ben nodded. He had sensed it. Something that she had been trying to keep from slipping out last time they had spoken. “Which is...?” he said, quietly.

“Ben, I—I did want to take your hand,” her voice broke, “I _did_ want to.” A tear streamed down her face. She sat down on the ground and wiped it quickly. No one was out there to see her, but she didn’t like that Ben was watching her cry...again.

Ben took a deep breath. He had felt her longing to take his hand, but...to hear her admit it to him...it gave him a little hope that she still cared for him. That she had even cared for him in the first place. He sat down beside her and slowly pulled one of his black gloves off.

“You can take it now, if you want. Just for a moment.” Ben held his breath, hoping she would not get angry at him. He held out his hand to her. He wasn’t trying to turn her this time...he just wanted to...hold her hand? She would never— _wait._ Ben felt her soft fingers touch his and her hand slip into his own. He looked at her and saw her blushing slightly.

Suddenly, he could see her surroundings, too. He was there. Actually there with her. Just as he had been in her hut on Ahch-to for a moment...before Luke had ruined it. He recognized the planet she was on. Without thinking, he said, “You...you’re on Ryloth.”

She turned to him, her eyes wide. She stood, letting go of his hand, suddenly looking very fearful. Ben stood as well, understanding why she was afraid. “You’re here, aren’t you? Really here...” she said breathlessly. “And now I’ve given us away.”

“No, Rey, please listen. I—I won’t tell anyone you’re here. I promise. I won’t do that...not to you.”

Rey was tearing up again. “How can I trust you not to come destroy us all right now? You are the Supreme Leader, all you need to do is give the command and a fleet will show up and obliterate us!”

“Rey, I told you, I _promise_. Have I ever lied to you?”

“No,” she said quietly, looking down at the ground.

“Then, please...trust me.”

Rey nodded hesitantly. And Ben was gone. She could still feel his hand holding hers. It thrilled her strangely. _Maybe I shouldn’t have done that,_ she thought.

“Hey, Rey, are you all right?” Finn had walked out of the Falcon to check on her.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m—I’m fine. Just...a lot of stuff going on, you know?” Rey said.

“Yeah, that’s true. Can you help us with something in here? Rose and I can’t lift it, it’s too heavy.”

“Sure, I’m coming.” Rey watched him walk back up the ramp into the ship. Now she was lying for Ben. To her only friends. _So is he,_ she realized. Why did she suddenly feel so empty now that he was gone? Why had she wanted him to stay, his hand in her own? Rey put her hand to her forehead. Now she was actually going to get a headache. But, somehow, her heart ached much more than her head ever could.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben collapsed onto his bed, his head spinning slightly. He had been there...with her. He could still feel her fingers in his palm. She had held his hand for a moment, a gesture of vulnerability, perhaps. But most of all, one of trust. And maybe even something more...? It had been just moments ago that he had sat beside her, but his loneliness threatened to engulf him again. Ben had not known it was possible to feel this way about someone. To have this burning, maddening desire just to see her again?

It ate at him from within, this longing for her. _Maybe this is wrong,_ he thought. _I should think of her as my enemy, but she’s definitely not. Not to me._ She had given him the strength to stand up against Snoke, hadn’t she? At that moment, they had been allies, at the very least.

His thoughts turned to his own loyalties. He was Supreme Leader...if anyone found out that he had known the location of the Resistance and had refused to act.... It would be viewed as treason, wouldn’t it? If only Rey was with him, instead. Everything would be so much simpler. With her by his side, he could crush the Resistance without a second thought and finally establish his rule—their rule—over the galaxy. But, with Rey amongst their ranks, Ben couldn’t...he could not put her in danger. He had promised her, after all. He would not betray their location to the First Order. It was a risk, knowing that Leia’s allies might soon establish contact with the remaining rebels and begin to support them. But, for Rey, this was a risk he was willing to take.

* * *

It was night on Ryloth before she had some silence in which to contemplate the morning’s events. She couldn’t get rid of the strange sensation that she had felt as she slipped her hand into Ben’s. How could something that others would think wrong feel so right to her? To both of them? When she saw him, she was not afraid, as many were. It was almost a relief when she sensed his presence. Rey realized that she was the only person who understood the turmoil within him. And he was the only one who understood hers. Maybe this was why she felt such strange things when she saw him. Or maybe it was...something else. 

She heard a noise beside her. For a fleeting second, she hoped it was him. Her face fell when she realized it was just a porg. Rey sighed heavily. She stood and headed to her cot. As she lay down to sleep, she wondered again. What if she had taken Ben’s hand? What would have happened between them? It was not just the Force that tied them together. It was a...human connection...a feeling that Rey couldn’t put a name to. Because she had never felt this way about anyone before. _Does he feel this too?_ Rey asked herself. _It’s like I’m being pulled to him,_ she thought. As if they were tied together by a string of fate, each end pulled apart and yet yearning to be together.

She fell asleep still thinking of him.

* * *

Ben opened his eyes and stood to his feet, startled awake by the dizzying feeling that always preceded their Force connections. His eyes widened. Rey was asleep on her cot, a few feet away from where he now stood. He didn’t know this could happen without both of them being awake. _Should I wake her?_ he asked himself. _Maybe it would be best not to,_ he told himself. She would think it strange for him to have been watching her. He slid to the floor beside where she slept, looking longingly up at her sleeping face.

A wave of guilt washed over him as he watched her sleeping form rise and fall under her thin blanket. He had been bitter ever since she had rejected his offer in the throne room. But now he realized that it had been too much to ask of her. Even if she had wanted to join him, truly wanted to, she could not let the only people that she had ever called friends perish. Just as Ben could not bear to see anything happen to her now. Perhaps it had been too early to ask so much of her.

Maybe he should have gone with her instead. But then again, that would not have ended well for him. Despite what everyone kept saying, Ben was convinced it was too late to go home. He just felt confused now...all he had wanted was for him and Rey to be together. Wasn’t that what she wanted, too? He had sensed it. But now, they were torn away from each other yet again. He buried his face in his hands. He felt lost. All he knew was that he needed her with him. But now, it seemed nearly impossible. He finally let the burning tears fall, sobbing silently so as to not wake Rey from her sleep.

When he finally opened his eyes again, he was in his own chambers. And Rey was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

It was happening again...she could feel it. She had been waiting the whole day to see him again. Somehow, Rey had known that the Force would connect them again sooner rather than later. Both she and Ben had been hoping for it to happen again quickly. Although neither of them controlled it, it seemed that their willingness to see each other did affect the recurrence of their connections. Just as when Rey had attempted to close it off, they had not seen each other for weeks. She turned around. When she blinked, he was standing before her.

Rey had barely taken a breath to speak when he said, “I didn’t tell them. Where you are. I kept my promise.” He said it quickly, as if he was afraid that she had not believed him last time.

“I know, Ben. If not, I would’ve been dead by now.”

 _Exactly,_ Ben thought. _That’s precisely why I didn’t tell them._ “I—I’m sorry. It shouldn’t be this way. I don’t want any harm to come to you, Rey.”

Rey looked up at him. The way he spoke those words made her heart beat a little bit faster. She wasn’t sure why. It was just...he sounded deeply concerned for her. He... _cared_ for her. “There’s...something on your mind?” she asked hesitantly.

He stepped closer to her. Almost...too close. She should’ve felt uncomfortable, perhaps. But, although she would’ve never admitted it, she felt her heart flutter when he stood this near to her. Just like in the elevator on the _Supremacy_. When they had been so close that her arm almost brushed up against his. That she could have rested her head on his chest. She forced herself to return to reality. What had she been thinking? She looked back up at Ben.

“Rey, I—I wanted to talk to you. There are things that I’ve kept to myself for too long. And it hurts. I don’t trust anyone else but you, Rey. I guess I just...need someone who will listen.” Ben looked down at her, his eyes pleading for a little comfort.

She understood exactly how he felt. “Ben, you listened to me, when I had been in that cave on Ahch-to. When I felt alone. The least I can do is listen.” She reached out and grasped his hand, sensing that he was troubled and needed someone to comfort him. As she took his hand, she was there. It was a plain room, like all those in the First Order. The black walls made the room itself feel small, but the viewport window in front of her opened wide into the vastness of space. She didn’t ask what this room was...that was not important. She and Ben sat beside each other on a bench by the viewport, her hand still clasping his. He looked down at the reflective floor before taking a deep breath.

“I guess I’ll just start from the beginning. I want you to know everything about me, Rey. Maybe then you will understand.”

Rey didn’t really know exactly what he meant, but she nodded. She indeed wanted to know all about him. It thrilled her just to hear his deep voice.

“My parents never understood me. Rather, they were afraid. Of me, and my power. It was beyond anything they had ever seen before, and they feared it. As Luke did, eventually. I never meant any harm...but when I got...angry...sometimes I would lose control. And bad things would happen...but the voices in my head would never let me rest....”

* * *

Perhaps they had spoken for hours. She didn’t know. It felt as if time itself had stopped as she and Ben sat together. She had mostly listened, grasping his hand to remind him that she was still there, supporting him. She was comforting him, yes. But just being close to him gave her a sort of peace as well. They had both felt the connection fading, eventually. He had not let go of her hand until she disappeared. He had not wanted her to go. Rey hadn’t either.

Ben paced his quarters for what seemed to be the thousandth time this week. He missed her already. He had surprised himself, how much he trusted her. He had never told anyone so much about himself before. He had just hidden it all away. Now, maybe she would understand that he was not quite the monster she thought he was.

Or maybe she didn’t think of him that way at all. He had seen it, when he had approached her. She had not backed away. Rather, it was she who had reached out and clasped his hand. Who had listened to him for hours with empathy and...compassion.

 _Compassion_. He had had compassion for Rey ever since he first laid eyes on her. Snoke himself had pointed it out. He had wanted to tell her how much he longed to be close to her. He had wanted, so badly, to tell her how he really felt about her. But he could not find the words. And his greatest fear was that she did not feel the same way about him.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey watched as Finn left. They had been having a short conversation, but she had been...preoccupied. Although Finn was the first real friend she had ever made in her life, except maybe for BB-8...she had refused to tell him any of what had happened after leaving Ahch-to. And she most certainly had not told him of her connection with Ben. She trusted Finn, but he would never understand.

She settled into the pilot’s seat of the Falcon with a sigh. As she stared out at the waning afternoon, she let her mind wander. She was thinking of him again. It was as if his presence had invaded her mind and made a home there. If she was honest with herself, she didn’t mind. There was no one else she would rather be thinking of.

She closed her eyes, almost dozing off. It had been a few days since she had seen him last. ( _Far too long,_ she thought.) Since he had confided his story in her. She had felt honored, in a way, to be the sole object of his trust. She had felt his pain through the Force as he spoke about his past. Rey had wanted so badly to embrace him and hold him close and tell him that she would be there for him. Why hadn’t she? She knew it would comfort her, too. To be wrapped up in his arms and forget everything else.... Rey shook her head and sat up. What was she thinking? It couldn’t—they couldn’t—be that way. Could they?

* * *

Ben could not get her out of his head. Not that he wanted to. Every free moment he had was spent thinking of Rey. He had found himself not paying attention to his generals’ constant reports and useless questions and droning complaints. Instead, he thought of Rey. If he closed his eyes, he could feel her hand in his again. Sometimes he thought he would’ve given anything just to hold her in his arms for once. To hug her close to him and whisper that everything would be okay...

Ben sighed. It was useless to entertain these fantasies, he supposed. She would never join him. And he could never go to her. He had done...too much. Gone too far. And if they found her with him, he might be the death of them both. Literally. He couldn’t put them both in danger that way. Why did every scenario in which they were together seem to end in tragedy? As if they were destined to long for each other, and yet be pulled apart. If Ben could do anything about it, he thought, he would make sure this was not the case. Somehow, he would find a way to make it work. If that’s what Rey wanted. He would have to be patient, he knew. So, in the meantime, he let his mind wander back to his dreams of her again.

* * *

The sun was beginning to go down when she felt it. The feeling like dizziness that she had come to expect and even hope for. She opened her eyes and Ben was sitting in the copilot’s seat to her right.

Suddenly, Ben found himself in his father’s old ship, the Millenium Falcon. And Rey was in the pilot’s seat. Their eyes met.

“Hello, Rey.”

“Hello, Ben.” She paused, trying to reel in her feelings and make herself understood. “I—thank you. Thank you for trusting me with your past. I...must’ve hurt you. When I said you were a monster. That I knew everything I needed to know about you. I didn’t.”

Ben felt drawn to her. He inched closer to her noiselessly. “It’s fine. I have done things I wish you hadn’t had to see me do. And of course I trust you, Rey.”

“I trust you, too, Ben. Maybe you were right, when you said to let the past die. We could start over...you and I.”

Ben felt relief at her words. She did want to stay with him, now he was sure of it. He found himself leaning toward her. As close to her as he had been on the turbolift on the _Supremacy_. It sent chills of excitement down his spine.

He was so very close to her now. She didn’t want to pull back. Rather, she felt drawn closer and closer to him. She trembled with something like a mixture of delight and apprehension. She actually leaned closer to him, barely realizing what she was doing.

Ben saw the mixed emotions on her face. He could feel them churning in the Force. No, what was he even doing? He was about to pull away from her, feeling terribly awkward, preparing to apologize for...whatever it was that he had wanted to do. But then, a wave of shock washed over him. She had leaned forward and closed her eyes. Before he knew what she was going to do, Rey lightly touched her lips to his.

It took her a second to realize what she had just done. She gasped slightly and pulled back quickly. She wasn’t sure how he would react. She was almost afraid to look him in the eyes. But when she finally looked up at him, he was looking down at his lap, a smile playing at his lips. Rey realized her face was blushing. He turned to her and their eyes met for a split second before the connection broke, and each was alone again.


	7. Chapter 7

Ben sat on his bed in his chambers. He was...he couldn’t even describe it. Thrilled, maybe? He had never felt anything like it. He lay on his back and remembered it. It had just been a split second, when she had leaned in closer and just barely pressed her lips against his own. _That still counted as a kiss, right?_ he asked himself. He wasn’t quite sure. He had never kissed anyone before, after all. Maybe next time he could...kiss her for real? But, then again, maybe not. Maybe it was too early for that. How would he know? Again, he had never kissed anyone before. A small, somehow pleasant realization bloomed in his mind. Neither had she.... He closed his eyes and let himself smile.

Rey sat on the pilot’s seat with her knees tucked up to her chin. She still could not believe what she had just done. She felt as if she had almost lost control of herself for a second. She didn’t regret it, though. Of course she didn’t. If she had to admit it, given the chance, she would have done it again. But it all felt so strange. She had never kissed anyone before this. She had been afraid to try to kiss Ben, but now that she thought about it, he had felt the same way. Longing to, but holding back. _Maybe next time,_ she thought, _he will kiss me back._ As the sun went down, she drifted into a light sleep. She dreamed of him again.

* * *

Rey felt dazed the whole next day. She kept thinking about Ben rather than what was going on around her. She was helping the pilots restock their ships’ supplies, carrying boxes of rations to the X-wing hangar. She had been so distracted that she had bumped right into Poe and had sent him and the contents of her own box crashing down onto the floor. She had apologized and told him to go on ahead while she picked up her mess. Strangely, she didn’t feel bad about being so aloof. _If they were capable of feeling this way about someone,_ Rey thought, _they would act just the same._ She was eagerly waiting to find out whether they would see each other again today.

Ben strode through the dark alleys with his Knights. Corellia was accustomed to all sorts of scum and villains, but even the worst of the worst cowered in fear at the sight of the Knights of Ren. Ben had had his helmet repaired. He was not used to walking around without it. It had cracks the color of magma now, where it had shattered into many pieces at his own hand. He did not wish for Rey to see him in this mask, but he also felt uncomfortable showing his face to those whom he ruled over. It felt like a weakness. But maybe it was only his own insecurities surfacing.

Ben and his Knights were hunting down a supposed rebel sympathizer that dwelt on Corellia. Rumors were spreading that he was amassing a small militia of rebels to overthrow the First Order’s rule of the planet. The threat seemed so credible that Ben had insisted on accompanying the Knights himself. Also, he had simply felt restless. He needed to get out of that Star Destroyer more often.

Suddenly, he felt it. A wave of both relief and panic rose in him. He could not reveal his bond with Rey to anyone, especially his Knights.

“Split up. Don’t wait for me. I’ll meet you at the transport,” he said quickly. They obeyed without question, and Ben rushed to an alley where he could be alone. Then he blinked, and Rey was standing before him. He quickly pulled off his helmet.

Rey saw him remove his new helmet. She wondered why he had bothered repairing it. She disliked it when he wore that confounded thing. She would rather stare up at his true face...as she was doing right now. He stared right back, his eyes shining.

“I—I’m sorry about last time. That was so...awkward.” Rey said uncomfortably.

Ben walked up closer to her. “No, don’t apologize. Please. It wasn’t awkward, it was...good. I don’t even know how to describe it.” He stepped closer and closer.

Rey looked up at him, smiling shyly. “Then don’t. Don’t describe it.”

Ben glanced around him. They were alone. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to so badly it burned inside him. But he didn’t want to...startle her, or...anything. He was so close to her, all he needed to do was lean down...no, he shouldn’t. But he could see it in her eyes, she already knew what he was thinking.

“May I?” he asked, quickly. _That was so reckless of me,_ he thought.

Rey looked up at him. He was barely inches away from her now. He glanced at her lips and she looked at his. Maybe she wasn’t thinking straight...because when he asked, she almost didn’t hesitate.

“Yes,” she whispered breathlessly.

He looked at her and smiled, dropping his helmet to the floor and wrapping his arms around her. She closed her eyes and leaned up to him. And he kissed her. For real, this time. She had never felt anything so wonderful, and she didn’t want it to end. Her head felt light and her heart was beating so fast she thought it might burst from the joy of it. She didn’t even notice that his surroundings had materialized around her when he held her. In that moment, it was just the two of them.

Ben held her close to him, determined never to let her go. He had not known anything could possibly feel this good. It was a feeling of triumph and joy he had never before experienced. He slowly pulled out of the kiss and opened his eyes to look at Rey. Even in the dark alley, he could see her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were sparkling. He still embraced her, and he felt her arms around him, hugging him back.

Their faces both fell a bit when they realized the connection was fading. Ben whispered, “I’ll see you again soon, Rey.” She nodded...and then she was gone. Ben’s arms closed around nothing and he stood there, a bit dazed, before breaking into a wide smile.

A moment later, he realized that his Knights would begin wondering where he was. He stooped to pick up his helmet and slipped it back on, hiding the awestruck smile that was still playing at his lips. He looked back at the place where she had just been standing, then turned in the direction of their transport. His cloak billowed behind him as he disappeared into the darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

Rey sat on her cot, still shaken by what they had just done. She could still feel her own cheeks blushing, her arms around Ben and his arms around her. Had she not been thinking straight when she whispered yes? No...she had been thinking perfectly straight. She was still smiling, remembering the look in his eyes after they had kissed. Rey still couldn’t put words to everything she felt for him. But she didn’t feel quite so confused about those feelings anymore...

A sudden thought threatened to wipe the smile off her face. What would her friends say? They didn’t know, of course. But how long would she be able to keep it from them? If they ever saw her during a Force bond with Ben, wouldn’t it look like she was talking to herself? Such behavior would surely be noticed. Another thought really did make her stop smiling. What would Leia think? She knew Leia was excellent at reading people...what if Rey’s feelings for Ben did not escape her notice? Not only was he the Supreme Leader...he was her son. Rey sighed.

These feelings were wonderful...but they were also difficult. She wanted to speak to him about them so badly. She knew he must be going through the same doubts. He was still head of the First Order, after all. She turned onto her cot and lay her head on the pillow. As she drifted off to sleep, she thought about Ben, letting the worries and doubts wash away, if only for the night.

* * *

Ben sat on his throne late at night, alone and lost in thought. He kept thinking of her. His kiss with Rey was unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was like...like tasting pure sunlight. If that was possible. Which it wasn’t. But that was the closest he could get to describing it. And such strong feelings rose up in him when he thought of her. Strange feelings he couldn’t even put a name to. How he longed for her to be by his side rather than lightyears away....

He wondered if she would come to him one day. She had, once before. _But that didn’t end well,_ he reminded himself. He understood now that, at least for the time being, turning Rey was not really an option. But was this, these “sides” in a war, really going to keep them apart? He had felt it, when they had stood there on Corellia and embraced each other. She had not wanted to let him go. But their connection had faded nonetheless. If they met, _actually_ met, in person... _No,_ he thought, _it would be too risky, wouldn’t it?_ Still, Ben mulled it over in his head. Maybe it could work...if she was willing....

* * *

It was dusk the following day when Rey saw him again. At the slightest tingle of dizziness, her face broke into a small, shy smile. She was glad to see Ben again. She turned around and saw him standing in front of her. His face lit up when he saw her.

Ben was relieved to see her. Before he even knew what he was doing, he walked up to her and hugged her close. He smiled as she returned the embrace, laying her head on his chest.“Hi again, Rey,” he whispered softly. He could have seen her surroundings if he had looked, but all his attention was on Rey.

“Hello, Ben,” Rey replied, pulling back enough to look up into his eyes.

“Rey,” he began, “I—I know this is...this is crazy. This...”

“Us?” Rey asked.

“What?”

“Us. You mean _us_....” She reached up and let her hand linger on his cheek. “Us...together?”

“Yes,” Ben said, nodding his head slowly. _“Us.”_ Rey let her hand fall to his shoulder.

“I know it...won’t be easy. But I was thinking that—we—we could make it work,” he continued.

“Ben, I—I don’t know. We—we’re on opposite sides of a war—”

“Rey, I understand, maybe more than anyone else,” he interrupted, his voice full of emotion. “But...no one has to know, Rey.”

“Ben, I—I want to. I really do. But, this is...it just doesn’t seem—”

“Rey, please. Why is this even stopping you?” Ben asked, his voice pained. “If you don’t want this, please. Just tell me.” Ben swallowed hard, staring deep into her eyes.

“Ben, I already told you. I _do_ want this. Truly, I do.” Rey looked up at him earnestly. “Do you...” she sighed, “do you really think it could work?” Her voice was quiet and vulnerable.

“Yes. I really do. It’s not impossible. Not for us.” Ben hesitated. “So...are we trying...this?” he said after a long, pensive moment.

Rey nodded. “We’ll find a way,” she whispered.

“We’ll find a way,” he echoed, pulling her closer.

As Ben pulled her closer, Rey wrapped her arms around his neck. This...this must be what real belonging felt like. She felt so safe in his arms. He leaned down toward her and she surrendered to it, reaching up to meet his lips with her own. _This is going to work,_ she thought to herself as she kissed him. _Of course it will,_ she thought.

And, as quickly as it had come, their connection faded, leaving them both awestruck and anxious...and so very happy.


End file.
